Wednesday, April 18, 2007
yeahs..quite alot of things happened the past few days...yeahs...finally..i got word from my officer that i won't be going to prison after all.. the PSB directors decided to give me a chance and gave me a written warning..
hmn fish's father passed away ytd..i feel so sad for him..the feeling of losing a loved one is never a pleasant experience..well i dono.. but life's like this...there's bound to be trajic moments in everyones' lives..
met up with mother's exbf todayy..well he's actually a very nice guy..had a long talk with him..a very very long talk...i won't be going into details..but yeahs...i gotta admit..he's really a nice person..
hmn..so i'll be going to the the funeral everydayy..helping fish out..and to look after him...stress will bring a person to do unimaginable things...well..for us which are fish..me and mother's ex..i guess life is at a low point..but hmn..if u look at it in a different direction..this will make us grow into better people..
well i guess i already lost hope..heard the story..and i guess i do not wish to hurt myself even more..after all the things i did.. i didn't recieve the 2nd chance...she never looked in my direction.. i never got the chance i needed..all i wish is to see her happy?? that's what siuol said..well i don't noe..but love is selfish..u have to strive to keep your loved one with you..i got the same comfortable feeling when i was with her...and i don't think i'll get the same feeling for a very very long time..
well it's not that i don't want to start a new relationship...but i just can't cheat your feelings..and i can't cheat my own feelings..if i do this..the relationship would not be strong..do u understand??well the other reason was because that i'm afraid that i would go to prison..i won't be so wicked as to get into a relationship when i still feel for my ex.. that's the kind of person i am..
i don't noe...i have so many troubles for myself..and i can't see fish getting troubled..i can't see mother getting troubled..well..i guess i'll always put my frens first before myself..i'm not selfish..those who know me will understand...life is short..i guess mine would be very short..there's a chance that one dayy i may just give up...and leave forever..and i can feel that the day is drawing nearer...
i'm a fool for love..it's so difficult for me to forget..it's difficult for me to hate...and i find it difficult to sayy no.. i have been mesasured..i have been weighed..and i have been found wanting.. we'll see in future should fate brings me smiles..or hatê..
